Whose Valentine?

This week, we celebrate Valentine's Day. Red and white displays featuring cards and chocolates in heart shaped boxes appeared in stores the week after Christmas. This week, flowers -- most often roses -- have been ordered for delivery, dinner reservations recorded and bottles of wine carefully selected and chilled in anticipation of a romantic evening. Cards featuring hearts and flowers implore those who receive them to "Be my Valentine."

We think we are celebrating love. We are actually celebrating romance. Romance -- the love people talk about when they speak of being "in love" -- is a special kind of love, but not the only kind. When we concentrate on romance, we lose sight of the love demonstrated by affection, friendship, and acts of compassion as performed by Saint Valentine.

According to legend, Saint Valentine was a Roman priest arrested and imprisoned for performing Christian marriages at a time when aiding Christians was a crime against Imperial Rome. Emperor Claudius Gothicus took a liking to this prisoner until Valentine tried to convert the Emperor whereupon he was swiftly condemned to death. After beatings with clubs and stoning failed to kill him, Valentine was beheaded and buried beside the road outside the Flaminian Gate. According to one legend, before his head was cut off, he healed the sight and hearing of his jailer's daughter. According to another, while imprisoned he wrote notes urging his congregation and friends not to grow weary in well doing and to stand firm in the face of persecution. 

The love demonstrated by the saint had nothing to do with romantic feelings and everything to do with compassionate deeds. It had nothing to do with obtaining the favor of the beloved and everything to do with demonstrating that the beloved was favored. The love of Saint Valentine took no regard of personal consequences. The saint did not ask anyone to be his Valentine, but demonstrated by his actions that he was theirs.

How will you celebrate Valentine's day this year?

Will you send flowers, or buy a box of candy?  Will you go out to dinner or plan a romantic evening or weekend get-away? If so, enjoy! You do well. 

Will you perform some act or acts to be someone's Valentine for no other reason than it needs doing, you can do it and it's the right thing to do? If so, enjoy! You do better.

Or will you commit to performing some act or acts of compassion to be someone's Valentine for the entire year or however long it takes whether such service is recognized or appreciated or not. You may or may not enjoy, but you do best. 

In the prayer attributed to him, Francis of Assisi asks

"O Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek
To be comforted as to comfort;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love with all my soul.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

It is the prayer of one who seeks to be a Valentine.

Whose Valentine will you be this year?

What will you do to demonstrate it?

For how long?

The Dream Continues

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."
     -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. 

On August 28, 1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke eloquently of a dream -- his dream and ours too -- for America. He spoke of a future in which his children -- our children -- would be judged by the content of their character.

He spoke of a dream -- his dream and ours too -- that one day little in even the most historically racist corners of our continent black and white girls and boys could join hands and recognize one another as brothers and sisters.

He spoke of his dream and ours too for a nation where every valley was raised up, and every hill and mountain made low, the rough places made plain, and the crooked made straight; a nation where the glory of the Lord could be revealed that all flesh would see it together.

Dr. King's dream is the American dream. It is a dream of opportunity. It is a dream of independence, of freedom. And it is the dream of a world where a person's worthiness is determined by the quality of his or her character.

We're not there yet.

We've come long way during the half century since Dr. King addressed the multitude on the national mall. We've moved forward, backward, and sideways. Progress refuses to move in a straight line. But we're not there yet.

We continue to stumble forward. We stumble forward because we can't turn back. In the words of Dr. King, "we must make the pledge that we will always march ahead."

The past lies behind us, our destiny opens before us. 

We have a dream.

Is it your dream?

Is it your chosen future?

Have you the perseverance to continue?

Have you quality of character to make it so?

Letter to My Teen Self

I recently discovered the website "Dear Teen Me" at http://dearteenme.com/.

It made me wonder if I had the opportunity to send a message through time to my seventeen year old self, what would I write? And why would I write it? After all, given the laws of physics, my seventeen-year-old self will never read it. Then I thought others, perhaps even my grandchildren, might read and possibly benefit from my words.

If I could write a letter to the teen me, and send it back through time to the early 1960's, this is what I would write:


Dear Forrest:

You don't know me yet, but I know you. I know you because I am the future you. I have lived your life from when and where you are reading this to the time and place from which I write it more than fifty years in your future..

I'm writing to tell you you're going to be okay.

I'm writing to tell you that you have a great future ahead of you. You dream of it often. I can state with certainty that your dreams will be fulfilled.

You dream of learning complex and interesting things. You will learn them.

You dream of attending college, of studying and understanding deep technical concepts, and you will.

You dream of doing dashing deeds of daring during desperate times. You will do that too. It will scare the hell out of you, but you'll do it anyway.

But mostly, you dream of girls and of meeting a very special girl. You wonder if every girl you meet could be the one. You think you want a Playboy Playmate. What you really want is a soul mate and a help mate. I won't spoil things by telling you more, but you're going to like where it ends up.

Now the hard part. Your dreams will not happen on your time schedule. Some will require years. Others will require a lifetime. Most will require a great deal of work on your part. And that's okay. Hang on to the dreams that make sense and let go of those that don't. And never stop dreaming.

Also, nothing will happen exactly as you anticipate and this will frustrate you. Some of it will be amazingly wonderful, and some not so much. But things will mostly happen good.

That's all I'm going to say about your future lest I destroy your joy and excitement living it. For now, I want you to know that you are well equipped for everything the future will throw at you. Your Dad has given you a strong work ethic and sense of right and wrong. You will one day thank him for it. Your mother has given you a curiosity and interest in many subjects. And your school, in addition to a passable ability to read, write, speak, and cipher has given you friendships that will last a lifetime whether you think so now or not.

You are further blessed with a memory that retains all sorts of trivia and interesting minutiae. Take it from me, nothing you learn will ever be useless whether you ever use it or not.

The future is yours! Live it with optimism. Live it with enthusiasm. Live it well.

It's going to be great!

I've been there. I know.

Yours for the future,

Forrest

I've written my letter to seventeen-year-old me.

Given the opportunity, what would you write back through time to the seventeen-year-old you?

A Matter of Priority

If you're like me, you have more to do than time to do it.

If you're like me, actions to accomplish even your most important goals get lost in the hubbub of daily activities.

Getting on with doing your really important things requires a mindset that puts important actions first. It also requires a mechanism to keep these actions in front of the mind so they can be accomplished. That mechanism is called "priorities".

A priority is anything to which a person willingly devotes his limited time and resources. If you willingly devote your time and resources to something, it is by definition one of your priorities.

 Each of us has priorities. Most of these priorities are not reflected on any list. Of some we remain blissfully unaware.  All can be discovered.

How do you spend your time, where and doing what? Where and how you spend your time reflects your priorities.

How and for what do you spend your money.  Look at your checkbook and credit card statements. Where and how you spend your money reflects your priorities.

Do your priorities align with your goals? If so, good. If not, and if your goal is truly important, you must define actions needed and regularly expend time and resources to achieve it. You must make it a priority.

This past year, achieving a healthy weight became one of my top priorities. When it did, I took action.  I talked to my physician. He recommended I walk two miles a day.  Next, I visited a dietician. She set reasonable limits for my daily caloric intake. Neither of these actions would have made any difference had I not made it a priority to do what was recommended. Today and each day since, my prioritized daily task list has included tasks to  "Walk two miles," and "Monitor food and exercise." These items are attempted every day.

I am happy to report that I am halfway to my goal.

I made it a priority.

What are your priorities?

How are they reflected in your daily actions?

Are they moving you toward your goals?

Thoughts for 2014

2104 has arrived! Last midnight across the nation, fireworks exploded, sweethearts kissed, and people lifted glasses of champagne and toasted the new year to the strains of "Auld Lang Syne". The old year has expired.  Behold, a new year has come, bringing with it opportunities for fresh starts, opportunities to do things differently and opportunities to do different things.

Many will take the opportunity of the new year  to make resolutions, committing themselves to accomplish something positive, to lose weight. to become more active, to spend more time with family, to be a better friend, to take a class, travel, start a business, publish a blog or even write the great American novel.

Others will go a step farther and set goals, binding their resolutions to attainment of a specific result. Some few will define SMART -- Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic, and Time-limited -- goals, binding their result not only to one or more specific measures but also to a particular specified deadline for completion.

This year, I will make no resolutions. Resolutions are too non specific, too easily broken, too easily overcome by events. Resolutions don't work, at least not for me.

I may set goals. I may even establish some SMART goals. I have done this in the past, even to the extent of establishing intermediate goals and milestones. Sometimes I met them. Most often I didn't. In general, achieving my goals required too much effort over too long a time to deliver a result that was too far into the future to be real.  When life intervened, these goals were either abandoned or pushed so far into the future as to become irrelevant.

Setting goals was for defining where I wanted to be and when I wanted to be there but did little to get me there. My long term goals got lost in the hubbub of daily activities. I needed something to get me started and keep me moving. I needed actions I could make daily priorities.

Instead of resolving to "lose weight" -- resolution -- or stating  a goal to "lose x number of pounds by y date" -- goal -- I established a daily goal to "Consume no more than z calories per day" and daily actions to "Walk xx miles or yy minutes per day", and to "Monitor and record food intake and exercise daily" and to make accomplishing these actions a priority every day.  So far, my method is working.

This year, in lieu of resolutions, I will strive to break my long term goals into bite-size daily tasks and to make accomplishment of those tasks a priority every day.

How about you?

Have you made any resolutions or established any goals for the new year?

What actions will you take every day to keep your resolutions and achieve your goals?

2013: A Retrospective

Long ago, I concluded that New Year's Day is a useless holiday. After all, New Year's day really celebrates the national hangover after the festivities of New Year's Eve and a seemingly endless progression of bad football games and worse TV.

However, other than a day of miserable hangovers and football games, of marathon showings of "Dr. Who" other TV fare, the new year offers an opportunity to assess one's life and plan for one's future. David Allen would call it an "annual review". After all, "those who refuse to learn from the past are doomed to repeat it." and "To continue to do the same thing and expect different results is lunacy."

So, how does 2013 look in retrospect?

My answer is "Pretty darn good!"

For me, 2013 was a year of new things, different things, and transitions.

My bionic bride celebrated her new hip by walking across the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. I walked with her.

I retired after 31 years on the job and continue celebrate the incredible freedom that goes with it. The problem is not one of having too few but too many worthy and exciting options. There is not time to do them all, and prioritizing has never been my forte.

In 2013, I got serious about my health and developed the habit of walking two miles every day. I also visited a nutritionist and acted on her advice. As a result, I end 2013 fifteen pounds lighter than when I started. What I'm doing is working. I intend to keep doing it.

We traveled in 2013 -- locally to Washington, DC for my 50th High School Class Reunion, and Nationally to San Francisco for the Vietnam Helicopter Pilots' Reunion. We went to North Carolina to see our oldest Grandchild graduate from High School, to Key West to visit our son's family and to Holiday, Florida to visit Paula's mom and sister.

I indulged my inner farmer by growing a successful backyard garden, volunteering at a community garden and planting and harvesting potatoes for the hungry of western North Carolina. The process of planting a seed in the ground and getting food from it remains a miracle.

We had the exterior of the house painted, not a transition, but an improvement. We call our dwelling "Dunmoovin Manor". We intend to live here for a long time.

I was honored to deliver the Memorial Message at the Vietnam Helicopter Pilot's Association Annual Reunion in July and a Veteran's Day Address to students at a local high school in November, both incredible experiences.

Not all transitions were positive. Paula's mom suffered a stroke and passed away in early November. Her passing leaves us diminished. We miss her. 

Some things didn't change.  We continue to buy an additional case of food every time we shop at Costco. We give it to the local food bank. We call it solving world hunger one meal at a time.

And some things didn't get done. I came nowhere near my objective of publishing a new post to this blog once a week. Neither did I do anything toward my objective of publishing a memoir of wartime experiences flying with the Pink Panthers. These will remain dreams, worthy objectives for the year to come.

That was my year, not a year without setbacks, but overall a good year and a successful year.

How was your 2013?

What went well for you?

What didn't turn out as you would have wished?

What do you plan to do about it?

Hail No!

Hail to the Redskins!

Hail Victory!

Braves on the Warpath,

Fight for old DC!

I am a Redskins fan.

I have been a fan since Eddie LeBaron was quarterback.

I have been a fan since I first heard "Hail to the Redskins" while listening to a game with my Dad.

I have followed the Redskins through success and failure, victory and defeat, tragedy and triumph. Through the years, the Redskins have bumbled along to victory or defeat. 

Win or lose, I was proud to be a fan.

No more am I proud. The Redskins have quit. I have no other explanation for Sunday's debacle. They get no "Hail!" from me.

The coaches did not quit coaching. The offensive and defensive coordinators did not quit calling the plays. The quarterback did not quit throwing. The running back didn't quit running. Neither did at least two receivers quit receiving. There were even brief flashes of competence. But the line quit blocking, the linebackers and defensive backs quit pursuing, and the special teams just quit. Performance was less than lackluster. There was no hustle, no enthusiasm, no intensity. Were I a professional football player, I would be ashamed to accept my paycheck.

After the game, the head coach took full responsibility for his team's performance. It was a touch of class, but the coach can only direct. If players are unable or unwilling to respond or are half-assed in their response, the game is lost before it is played.

Football is a game of inches and seconds. One missed blocking assignment, one blown tackle, an inch too much or too little space, a microsecond too late to to see, turn, and react, a fraction less hustle than an opponent and the game lost.

Life is like football.

In life, as in football, you get no points for showing up. To succeed, you must execute.

In life, as in football, you need a game plan. Not having a plan is not a option. Not having a plan is not a good plan.

In life, as in football, You will need to adjust your game plan from time to time. And you need to have a "plan B" in your pocked for when "plan A" is not working.

In life, as in football, you must play every play until time runs out. You gain nothing by sitting on the sidelines. The final score depends on you. Success or failure depends on the final score. Unlike football, you will not see the scoreboard after the final gun.

In life, as in football, you must play every play with enthusiasm and intensity. The ancient proverb says "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your whole heart." As in a football game, your life results will show if you're "dogging it."

And finally, in life as in football, you are going to take some vicious hits. Sometimes, you will shake it off and continue. Sometimes, you may be forced to sit out a few plays. Sometimes, you may be put on the temporary disabled roster to heal and rehabilitate. But you must return to the game with all the enthusiasm and intensity you ever had. And you must return to the game ready and willing to take even more vicious hits.

Life, like football, isn't for WIMPs. If it were, it would not be life, and it would not be nearly as wonderful.

Where are you in the game of life?

Are you in the game or sitting on the sidelines?

How's your game plan working?

Are you shaking off the hits and getting back in the game?

Are you living every day with purpose, enthusiasm and intensity?

Your life depends on it.